Infomercial: Script (draft 1)

Here is a rough draft of the infomerical's script. The victims pauses would focus more on distressed facial expressions. 'Stranger' and 'Victim's Sister' are gagged.


Script:
Presenter: Is this you?
Victim: Yes..
Presenter: Do you frequently find yourself being abducted in your sleep
by henchmen of Bruno Moretti?
Victim: Uh..
Presenter: Well it looks like you need to.. Paaay your debts!
Victim: Oh God..
Presenter: Is this your dog? Hey little guy
Victim : Ha..
Presenter: Well you can get him back for 12 easy installments of £119.99
Victim : ...
Presenter: Now, if that fits your fancy, then you might just be interested
in this. Is this your sister?
Stranger : Mmhp!!
Victim : No..
Presenter: Didn't think so
Stranger : Mrphh!!
Victim : Urk
Presenter: Haha. Is THIS your sister?
Sister : Mmmm!!
Victim : Aaah!
Presenter: Is that a no?
Victim : AAH! YES!
Presenter: Haha, just kidding. Or am I? Now, you can get her back for.. Now
get this... Not 50,000, not 40,000 but 35,000 pounds! And thats
to be paid in 7 EEEASY installments of 5,000 pounds to be spread
over the next... 4 hours!
Victim : OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
Presenter: The number to call? Well, there it goes! Too fast? There it goes
again.
Victim : Dammit!
Presenter: Slightly slower this time.
Victim : Aaaah!
Presenter: Now, this is a fantastic deal! But don't take our word for it.
Listen to one of our satisfied customers
Thumbs : Uh.. I was in a lot of debt with Bruno Moretti and uh.. My life
was just uh.. Spiraling out of control. But look at me now! I'm
just two payments away from getting my thumbs back..
Victim : ...
Presenter: So, there you have it. Oh, and if you act now, not only will you
receive your sister and your dog UNHARMED, you'll also get your
left kidney back!
Victim : AH!
Voiceover: Order now to insure the safety of loved ones. Real Ransoms will
not be held responsible for the death of loved ones in the event
of funds not clearing in time to meet deadlines. Please ensure
that you request for express delivery in the transportation of
living beings such as organs, pets and human beings to avoid
their suffocation, starvation or decomposition. It is also
recommended that you confirm that the packaging meets the
size requirements when ordering living beings to avoid
decapitation.
Victim : ...